Getting Laid Off is Rough — Here's How I Dealt With It (Twice) & What I Learned From the Experience
A few months ago, I shared my story of getting laid off on my Instagram and the response was overwhelming. People reached out to me both in the comments and my DMs about how they resonated with my story, how me sharing helped them come to terms with getting laid off themselves, why they thought it was important to share experiences like mine, and how it was inspiring to read about someone’s struggles — and what they did afterward to pick themselves up.
Let me start off by saying that getting laid off is never easy. As someone who has been let go twice (in two completely different fields and for totally different reasons), you’d think it would get easier and the blow would hurt a little less, but I can assure you it doesn’t. And with the pandemic taking a toll on every single industry, the scariness of job instability is all too real. I decided to write this blog post both as a release for the emotions that I have pent up about these experiences, and as way to show other people that they’re not alone.
This is my story of getting laid off (twice), how it felt, and what I did afterward to get to where I am now.
The first time I was laid off was when I had a regular singing gig at a well-known national steakhouse chain. I had been working for the booking agency that staffed the job for a little under two years at various locations in different cities, spanning between Boston, New York City, and Los Angeles. When I was living in NYC, they asked me to come into Boston to sub for a whole weekend in since a few of their Boston regulars were unavailable and they were in a bind. I happily agreed.
I performed on Friday night and walked away thinking I had done a great job, until I got a call from the booking agent the next morning. After what turned into an emotionally tumultuous conversation, the agent revealed that she was asked to let me go because the general manager of that location believed that I was too fat for the job. So not only was I humiliated, but I wasn’t even allowed to finish out my gigs for the rest of that weekend, resulting in a loss of income for the two nights they cancelled on me. In a job where a singer’s looks heavily impact the perception of how well they perform, I shouldn’t have been entirely surprised with the reasoning, but it stung nonetheless. In fact, I gave up performing in public for awhile after that because my self confidence was shredded.
It took some time (and a bit of therapy) for me to come to terms with what happened and for me to gain some confidence back, but it honestly turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Because of the experience, I decided to take a step back from performing and to focus on my writing and editorial work. Shortly after that incident, I landed an interview for what would eventually become a staff writer job at Elite Daily, and my life and career trajectory haven’t been the same since.
This leads me to my second time being laid off, which coincidentally, was from that Elite Daily job. I worked for Elite Daily for a little over a year on a contract basis, meaning I was paid hourly for my work. That job was a dream come true: I traveled the world and got to write about it and had a regular byline in a publication I already loved reading. Every time my pieces popped up on my Apple News alerts, my heart would skip a beat. Whenever one of my posts was featured on Elite Daily’s homepage, it always felt like an honor. My writing evolved, I met so many incredible people, and overall, I feel like that job was perfect for me at that time in my career.
A little over a year into my time with them, I found out that Elite Daily and Bustle Digital Group as a whole were undergoing some structural changes to their editorial teams, and I had a feeling that I might find myself jobless. Unfortunately, it turned out I was right. My supervising editor called me while I was on a press trip in Australia and I was completely distraught. I knew it was nothing personal and that I had no control over the fact that the publication was choosing to take a different route with their lifestyle vertical, but that sadly left me out of a job.
I’ll admit, I sulked for weeks. I was embarrassed and hurt, and felt so ashamed so I didn’t want to tell anyone what happened to me. I couldn’t find myself to write anything else for my other freelance clients and actually had to ask some editors to push deadlines back because I was so sad. But having that time to process getting laid off was such a necessity for me — I don’t think I could have moved forward in a positive way if I hadn’t had that time to grieve. Luckily, I had a bit of money saved up so I could take that tiny break from working and not struggle financially, but after a couple weeks of sleeping in till noon, I knew I needed to get back in the saddle.
I don’t want to be overly cliché and say that one door closing lead to another opening, but I really believe that was the case for me. Having those weeks eating nothing but Ben & Jerry’s Americone Dream and finishing a bottle of wine every couple days put a lot of things in perspective: I realized that I was craving the flexibility of a freelance career, that I had enough contacts in the industry to make that happen, and that I wanted to eventually start something that was completely mine.
So I picked myself up and set up a plan for what I hoped would be the most productive year of my life. I wrote down my goals for 2020 — how much money I hoped to make, the publications I wanted to write for, the brands I wanted to work with, and a general business plan for what turned into my budding freelance career as both a contractor for publications and brands and a social content creator in my own right — and even went so far as to writing out a few steps that I would take to ensure that these goals came to fruition. I made note of people to email, I reworked my website, and put my mind to becoming the best freelancer I could possibly be.
Of course, I couldn’t have foreseen what a shitshow 2020 would be, but nonetheless, I actually achieved all my goals for this year. (I even hit my income goal a couple months back!) Being let go from the job at Elite Daily opened up my schedule to focus on other things that would bring me happiness and success, and now, I’m busier than ever and making more money than I have my entire career thus far.
While I hope I’m never laid off from a job again, having it happen to me made me so much stronger in a number of ways.
First off, I realized I was vulnerable — that no matter how well I do at a job or how indispensable I think I am, there are always reasons to not keep me on. Those reasons may or may not be within my control, and it’s good to keep in mind that contractors can always be replaced.
I also learned more about my grieving process. I’m fortunate enough to have not experienced too much loss in my life, and while my life certainly hasn’t been easy, I haven’t had to grieve the way I did losing these two jobs. Both were devastating in their own ways, and my self confidence took a major hit both times. These experiences forced me to deal with my emotions both in healthy and unhealthy ways. I learned that therapy is really helpful — even if it’s just short virtual sessions — and that it’s okay to bury myself in a pint (or five) of ice cream if I need to.
And finally, the most important thing I learned about myself is how I pick myself up. In both instances, I threw myself into something else that would distract me from the pain I was experiencing after being let go, and I honestly can’t believe how much good came out of those situations. Each time, I have grown in ways I never thought possible. I’m weirdly thankful that these layoffs happened when they did so that my career could blossom the way it has.
All this is to say, if you’ve been laid off and are struggling with how to cope, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to be in your feels — it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to be hurt, it’s okay to be embarrassed. What matters is how you overcome that adversity. Take your time to find things that make you happy so you can pursue those instead. I’m a firm believer in monetary compensation coming from passion projects (I’m living proof of that), and I’m so thankful that I’ve landed in a career that allows me to creatively and academically explore the things I love. I hope my story served as some encouragement and that you feel even a tiny bit closer to taking on the world. Can’t wait for you to show us all your fierce, incredible self.
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